I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
