I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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