I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
