I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
