If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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