Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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