my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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