I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize