Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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