good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize