OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
