that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
