i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
