I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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