Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
