It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
