you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
