Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
