Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
