I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Jerry, you need to find god
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
