1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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