dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
