Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
