Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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