I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
