so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
