guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
