oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
