don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
