Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
