how can u be prego again
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
