She is in my trunk
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
there is glitter all over my balls
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
