i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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