U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
