did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
