Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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