my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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