dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
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