You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
