Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
