The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
