I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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