During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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