every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
