Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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