I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
