Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Randomize
