Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
