So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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