My first STD was from a foam party
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
