I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
