Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
