she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
