last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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