Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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