What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
