I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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