You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
