We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
