He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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