I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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