I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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