Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
