How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
