I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
