I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
