if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
