Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
